Our Own Dr. Doolittle

Wednesday, April 27th, 2011 by Gabriel Thy

Obamagod

Sort of Right Wing Bias

Editor’s Note: The following essay is a more secular approach to the question of what the whole notion of God means to the oddly secular (or secret Islamic) life of our current president.

Several references the author uses are expressions of current Christendom, and are not intended to circumscribe our own doctrinal exegesis of the historical documents in question.

Commentary is open here on the Theosplatz. References to Jesus, Easter, Christmas, Christianity as a positive notion, Islam as worthy of disgust, and what have you, will be discussed or allowed to slip through.

We are not doctrinaire, except when we are. Be warned. We stand by our prime directive to make the larger point rather than peddle in phony outrage under the duress of popular but purely imaginary doctrines (doctrines of devils?). We hear no voices, except human ones. And a hunch is only a hunch. Sometimes it appears to pan out. Other times not so much. Either way, all we have at our disposal is merely an extential mathematical equation we can only solve with faith and self-awareness, but each “movement of the spirit” still remains, at best, a personal hunch. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

We thank Jeannie DeAngelis for her contribution to Theosplatz.

IN THE ROSE GARDEN, rodents attend Obama speeches. In the East Room, flies utilize the President’s upper lip as a landing strip. Last Memorial Day Barack chose the Windy City over traditional ceremonies at Arlington National Cemetery. As the President prepared to speak at Lincoln National Cemetery in Elwood, Illinois:

Thunderstorms had rolled in …prompting the Secret Service to pull the president from the ceremony amid fear for his safety. Obama … told the guests… that he would wait … to see if the storm would pass…it quickly worsened, turning into gusty winds and rain with frequent lightning and thunder, and the White House cancelled Obama’s appearance at the ceremony.

That same summer, just before the Obama family’s Martha’s Vineyard vacation, a fierce Nor’easter blew raw sewage in the form of fecal coliform bacteria into the lagoon bordering Blue Heron Farm.

There have been mini earthquakes rumbling beneath Washington DC, a 2011 Groundhog Day blizzard and a Washington DC stink bug scourge, all woven into the colorful tapestry presently known as the Obama presidency.

Interestingly enough aggressive acts of nature have not been limited to the continental United States. When Barack traveled to Jakarta to visit his childhood home and pay respects at the Buddhist Borobudur Temple, 600-degree volcanic ash decided to spew forth from Mount Merapi in central Java.

On Easter morning 2011, the President attended Resurrection Day services at Shiloh Baptist Church. As the President and his family entered the sanctuary, the quartet was greeted with applause and a choir singing “Total Praise.” Dr. Wallace Smith, the church’s pastor, reminded the congregants, “This is a place of worship,” which is exactly what appeared to be going on.

On Easter evening Obama was visited by yet another natural marvel that could either be interpreted as an evil entity taking up residence amongst company of like mind, or as Divine displeasure. Maybe the Shiloh people need to be reminded that Exodus 34:14 warns: “Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.”

Although the President may choose to ignore Luke 10:18, in preparation for next Easter’s visit to Shiloh Baptist it may be wise for Obama to read Job 33:14, where Job says: “For God does speak&#151now one way, now another—though man may not perceive it.”

After moseying on home after a clandestine attempt at private worship and after supping on a secret criticism-proof Easter meal, the Presidential residence was visited by “A storm [that] rapidly materialized in the Southern sky, and swept from the National Mall toward the White House. Instantly, there seemed to be lightning bolts dropping out of the heavens all around 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue—and the wind kicked up dramatically.”

Adding to the ever-growing list of Biblical manifestations occurring in the President’s vicinity, according to an observer, “A spectacular downpour started as the lightning built, with no preliminary drops; one moment it was dry, the next there was a gushing, blowing, massive water dump.

One can’t help but wonder how the President interprets the natural world speaking to him, or what he perceives that message to be. Based on the creative delivery style, it’s likely that Barack Obama would rather ignore the Scripture where Jesus said: “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven,” especially since a lightning bolt fell from heaven straight into the White House.

Although the President may choose to ignore Luke 10:18, in preparation for next Easter’s visit to Shiloh Baptist it may be wise for Obama to read Job 33:14, where Job says: “For God does speak&#151now one way, now another—though man may not perceive it.”

By paying closer attention to God speaking through His creation, there’s still a slight chance the President could prevent the Potomac River from turning to blood and making its way down Pennsylvania Avenue.

Jeannie DeAngelis

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